Finding a way to make marriage work

I found a way that work for us (me and my hubby). We are making our marriage last. We have built our relationship to be stronger than ever. I learned that through the six years of marriage that we need to have an open communication line. Instead of worrying about who will win the fight we would love each other enough to say” I am sorry”. It really does not matter who was at fault, we just have to be the bigger person to stand up and apologize. At times he would be the bigger man and do that and then there are times when I am the bigger woman. There are no winners and no looser. We are one unit as husband and wife. We learn to forgive each other for our faults. Don’t fret over the little stuff because the journey through life is long. Listen with our heart and not just with our ears.
In the beginning of our marriage like all marriages we had our share of problems. It was hard and we had our fair share of fights over small little pet pea stuff. But through the years we learned that with and open communication line we can tell each other anything. Our deepest feelings and desires to our deepest secrets. I don’t believe that there should be secrets keep from your partner or spouse. And things that happen in the past should remain there. Whenever we have a fight we would say sorry to each other no matter who is at fault we don’t point fingers. Yet we learned that we love each other more and we value each other more than those petty fights. Sometimes we just have to be the bigger person and say sorry first no matter if we are at fault or not. We love people and use things. When it comes to each other we put materialistic things aside. The world can crumble at our feet nothing matters as long as we are together with our healthy family. We don’t fret over the little stuff.
We also learn to listen with our heart instead of just with our ears. For majority of our marriage we would listen with our ears and have things go in one and then out the other. Now we listen with our heart and care about what our partner has to say. Everything he says has value to me and vise versa. If it is important to him then it is important to me even if I don’t care crap about the object. The object is not the point of focus but our partner is. So often I have forgotten about how much we have been blessed by our Lord. And I thank Him for reminding me each time I needed some motivation to move on. With Him and my hubby our marriage will last as long as we are here on earth.

Smile for Happiness!

What makes you smile? There are a lot of people and things that make me smile. Why smile you may ask. Because it shows people and yourself that you are happy. Why is it important? It is important because being happy is the best choice to make to live a fulfilling life. There is research done that says happy people are the type of people most people want to be around...Wow that is a lot of people…
So let me see what makes me smile. My children make me smile. They don’t have to do anything, just seeing them happy and healthy makes me smile. When they tell me they love me makes me smile. When they are playing together it makes me smile. My children like I said many times are my life line. They are the people who make my life worth living and give it meaning. Without them in my life I would have been a lonely person who would not be in this happy state that I am in.
My hubby makes me smile. He shows me that he cares for me every day. The love that he puts into the relationship makes me smile. I am grateful for a life partner like him for he has made me the one of the happiest wife on earth. My parents and my sisters make me smile. My niece and other love ones also make me smile. In life there are many people as well as things that make me smile. You know the saying nothing is free in life….well I beg to differ…the love and warmth from others are free and happiness is free. You just have to make a choice to be happy and smile. Then happiness would be within your reach.

Being thankful for all of God's Blessings

First let me start off by saying that I am not always happy. Quite the contrary, depression visits me at least once a month. I found out that the secret to being happy was not really a secret at all. All you have to do is be optimistic, be grateful, and thankful with what God has blessed you with. Have a positive attitude towards every obstacle you meet and every trial that you are put through, have faith and hope for a better future. This is very hard to do--as they say, "easier said than done". But, I learned that with practice and perseverance it becomes easier.
I will be the first to agree that most of the joy in my life is free, a blessing from God. I am thankful to be blessed with two smart and beautiful girls--PBJ who is five years old, and Bree Bree who is eight months old. Like most mothers, I love my daughters more than life itself. They are my world. And yes, like many mothers, I too have given up my career to be a stay-at-home mom. I love it but at times it does become frustrating being that my husband is the sole person bringing home the bacon.
We all know that with the real estate market going down the toilet, the price of oil sky rocketing, food and all other things going up in price doesn't help at all(by the way these are some of the elements or ingredients that help developed my depression). Although things might get stressful and pull me down many a time, I have faith that something wonderful is about to come. Like what my husband said," It is not how you begin but how you finish". I know in my heart that we will finish by beating our own expectations. Someone quipped that God never told us that life was going to be easy, but He did say that it is worth living. My husband told me that God will never give you more than what you can handle (apparently we can handle a lot!! :P). If I have to go through hard obstacles, why not face it positively. This Saturday, for example, we were laboriously driving for about an hour trying to find a parking spot at busy Clement street in SF. When we finally found one, guess what, someone cut us off and pulled in that very spot. Well, I'm sure the old me would have rolled down the window and showed him a birdie or two, yelling out a few choice four-letter words. But, as a mother with kids looking at me, I just drove another half hour to find another suitable place to park. I said to myself, "hmm maybe that gentleman (he was no gentleman) had to really go to the bathroom badly or he probably crapped in his pants already--ha ha." I asked myself, what if I did show him the birdie and add a few four-letter words to my kids' vocabulary? What difference would that have made? It would only elevate my stress, the guy reciprocating in kind with a few four-letter words of his own to my kids' vocab list, and my day would be filled with anger. It was better for me and him to just let it go. Did I forget about it? No! If I did I wouldn't be writing about it now. But, I learned to forgive and move on.
Forgiveness is another way to live a happy life. That too, my dear, is very very difficult to do. I don't know about you, but my husband and I both had experienced trauma, drama, and torture from our so-called family members. They belittled us, beat us, cheated us, frightened us, and yes at times tortured us to the point where we felt death would be preferable. I am more willing to forgive than my husband would be. I guess that is why he seems to be more stressed than I am. It could be that my nagging is what is giving him the stress though.
The other night, I asked my loving husband to take out the trash. I being a mother (I use this as my defense a lot, hey if it works why not use it right? ha ha), I have little patience and am forgetful (only things I need to remember). I reminded him to take out the trash every second (from his point of view), but to me it felt like days. In truth it was minutes--heh heh. Before I used to ask my husband to come see something (while he is busy doing his stuff) and he would say give me a minute, but he learned fast--ha ha. Now, when I asked my sweetie hubby to do something, majority of the time he does it instantly. He has patience, I have very little. Patience, that is another trait or we need in order to be happy in life.
My husband said that we act like children when it comes to wanting things. We pray and ask God for something and we want it done yesterday. But, He is not our genie, He is our God and Father. When our daughter would want something, she has to have it now




. "Mommy I want to go to Disneyland", she would say. (BTW would you like to help donate to this fund?). I tell her (like how God tells us),"Be patient. Mommy and Daddy have to save money for it." And did not someone say that all good things comes to those who are patient? To be honest, I really lack patience. But, I am learning. I have to have patience to home school my five year old. She tests it every second of the day, it seems.
This reminds me of the time I saw the episode about the movie/book called Secret featured on Oprah. There was a group of people conversing on the topic of the law of attraction and how the world is your oyster--actually a genie waiting to grant your every command/wish. Like I said earlier, I don't believe that there is a genie out there granting wishes, but rather there is our Father God who blesses as He wills. I believe for personal development and self-help purposes that positive thinking will draw positive results. What I mean by this is that, if we have self-limiting/ self-destroying beliefs we will make a reality of it ourselves (and vice versa). I know if I tell myself I will be a millionaire in one years, then I will be. Not because I said it and it is going to just happen for me because I made the wish. Rather, because I said it, made plans for it, and will work towards it. There are steps involved, and you need to follow through. If you have a great desire why not make a plan to achieve it? Have your mind set to go for the goal! What is there to lose? No pain no gain. Not to mention, think about the gains, and keep your eyes on the prize. Life is short and unpredictable, so why not make it worth your while. Then again, life is the longest thing you will ever do, so therefore, work hard yet play just as hard. Besides, if you are doing what you love then it is all play, baby. For some of you, it may not be financial wealth as a goal, but the riches of knowledge and wisdom, or whatever it may be.
Someone told me that if you are rich you will be happy. Well, that is totally not true. Look at all those washed out, has-been, burned out celebrities and major personalities. Britney, oh my gosh where do I begin and Owen Wilson. They are more filthy rich than most people who admire them, yet they are not happy. Then again, my husband said to me we are rich(of course when he said this I choked and laughed so hard I fell off the chair). He then continued (after helping me up) to say that we are rich with God's blessings. A lot of people have riches (cold hard cash) and others have the true riches (the favor of the Lord, love and the necessities/needs). I joked, and asked, "May I choose which category to fall into?" He countered with a mean face and said "NO" and continued on saying how we have all that we need, and some stuff we want as well.
In closing, I highly believe that life is worth living. If not for me for my sweet little precious babies, my ever so caring and faithful husband, my mingling parents oops I mean loving parents heh heh, my two beautiful and charming sisters, and my little sweetie niece, and last but not least for God.